Parents 2 Parents

Buying new toys for your children can get really pricey, so when money gets tight try these ideas for making your own toys at home! Many of the ideas described below are art projects that can turn into toys to be used and enjoyed over and over again. Having your child help you with these will develop their self-confidence and encourage creativity. See what you can make with your children today!

Kazoo

-Materials: paper tube, wax paper/aluminum foil, rubber band, pencil

-Instructions:

-tear a piece of wax paper a few inches longer than the tube opening. Aluminum foil can also be used to produce a different sound.

-wrap the paper around the tube so that it is smooth and tight

-stretch a rubber band around the end to hold the paper in place

-punch a hole about the diameter of a pencil approximately 1-inch from the end

Puzzles

-Materials: old magazines, fronts of cereal boxes, catalogues, cardboard, glue or paste, scissors, contact paper

-Instructions:

-find full body pictures of people doing various jobs

-cut out the figures or scenes and paste/glue them to pieces of cardboard or poster board and cover with contact paper to preserve the picture

-cut figures or scenes into several pieces. See if your child can put the puzzle back together

Shape Sorter

-Materials: cupcake cups, poster board, construction paper, glue, scissors, pencil

-Instructions:

-glue cupcake cups in a row on a piece of poster board

-cut small shapes out of construction paper

-glue a different shape on the inside of each cupcake cup

-make several more construction paper shapes to be sorted into the cups

Zip Lock Books

-Materials: zip lock sandwich bags, construction paper, pictures from magazines or photos, glue, string/shoe lace/yarn, hole puncher

-Instructions:

-cut out squares of construction paper in different colors to put in each bag

-glue photos of different themes on both sides of the construction paper. Ideas include photos of relatives to teach children names and faces, or pictures of babies, animals, colors, shapes, and the alphabet

-each bag becomes a double sided page of the book so paste pictures on both sides of the paper

-line the bags up with the seal all on the same side

-take a large needle and thread through the edging of the sealed part of the bag to create a book seam. If you don’t have a needle you can punch holes in the seam of the bag and thread yarn through as binding

-tie tightly and you have a new homemade book to read with your child!

Textured Wood Blocks

-Materials: wood blocks or cardboard boxes, scraps of cloth, glue

-Instructions:

-take your child’s old wooden blocks or an empty cardboard box and use scraps of cloth from your sewing pile or scraps from a fabric store in as many different textures a possible (silk, tulle, corduroy, felt, or velvet) to cover the block or box

-glue the scraps in place on the block or sew into a slip cover

-encourage your child to feel the different textures on the blocks

-if you don’t have blocks, let your child play with the different textured fabrics

Finger Painting with Shaving Cream

-Materials: shaving cream, food coloring

-Instructions:

-take ordinary shaving cream and squirt some onto a tray of some sort (for easy clean up)

-swirl one drop of food coloring in each pile of shaving cream and mix until smooth

-allow your child to play with the piles of shaving cream with his or her hands or even use a paint brush to create 3-D creations on paper

Sorting Game

-Materials: empty egg carton, miscellaneous items

-Instructions:

-use an clean empty egg carton and any common items you have around the house: colored noodles, cereals, buttons, beads, and beans of different colors

-use the egg carton as a sorting tray to teach counting, color sorting, or textures

Ocean in a Bottle

-Materials: empty water bottle, water, vegetable oil, baby oil, blue food coloring, super glue

-Instructions:

-fill an empty water bottle half full with water

-add a few drops of blue food coloring

-fill the remaining space 2/3 full of vegetable oil

-then fill the bottle the rest of the way with baby oil

-use super glue to secure the cap on

-turn the bottle on its side to let the water settle to the bottom

-It’s the ocean!

Have you made your own toys at home? Share your ideas on the FORUM!!

Everything changes when your child starts to talk! Maybe you won’t see as many behavior problems because suddenly your child is able to tell you what he or she wants and needs. But maybe you will be the only one who can understand your child—although your child has some words, he or she isn’t talking as intelligibly and as fluently as other children their age. While this is a very exciting time in a child’s development, many parents find it stressful because of the added pressure from schools for children to be reading and writing earlier and earlier.

Talk. Talk. Talk. Talk. Talk.

The most important thing a parent can do to encourage language development with their child is to talk to them, starting from infancy. For young children, while they understand many words and sentences, their ability to express themselves typically lags behind their understanding, so encourage your child to converse with you, regardless of his actual abilities. He needs the opportunity to try new words and to receive your attention and encouragement for trying. In fact, that is one of the most important parts of language development for young children—they must feel that their parents are listening and value the content of the efforts. Responsive parents will not only be helping their children to develop good language skills but this also helps in promoting positive self esteem.

What to Do

Each day in every interaction there is an opportunity to encourage your child’s language development. Try some of these language-based activities with your child:

• provide commentary—narrate daily activities when interacting with children by verbally labeling objects and actions of regular tasks. Talk as you bathe, feed, and dress your young child. Talk about what you are doing, where you are going, what you will do when you arrive, and who and what you will see
• when you take a trip or plan a special outing, you can talk about the necessary items to take and the various events that will occur
  • examples: airport, mall, shopping center, post office, fire station, library, grocery store, etc.
• afterward, these experiences can be recreated during play or reinforced through books about the things that were seen and the questions that came up during the trip.
• parents can encourage conversation by posing situations which call for problem solving skills and welcome the child’s suggestions
• children should be encouraged to relate their experiences before bedtime—parents can ask the child to recall the best events of the day and offer suggestions for future activities
• parents should pose and enthusiastically respond to questions, particularly those which prompt sophisticated thinking, such as “why?” “If this, then what?” and “what if…?”
• retelling stories which have been heard many times helps a child practice her verbal skills and exercise her memory
• introducing an interesting picture and asking her to make up her own story is also a valuable and creative experience for a child nearing 3
• simple songs, chants, rhythms and fingerplays are excellent ways to increase memory and language skills (see below for links to fingerplays and action songs)
• identify colors and count items
• repeat what your child says indicating that you understand. Build and expand on what was said. “Want juice? I have juice. I have apple juice. Do you want apple juice?”
• make a scrapbook of favorite or familiar things by cutting out pictures. Group them into categories, such as things to ride on, things to eat, things for dessert, fruits, things to play with. Create silly pictures by mixing and matching pictures. Glue a picture of a dog behind the wheel of a car. Talk about what is wrong with the picture and ways to “fix it”
• ask questions that require a verbal choice—don’t allow your child to simply to point to what he or she wants. Encourage them to “use their words”
• expand vocabulary. name body parts and identify what to do with them. “This is my nose. I can smell flowers, brownies, popcorn, and soap”
• place familiar objects in a container. Have your child remove the object and tell you what it is called and how to use it. “This is my ball. I bounce it. I play with it”
• Use pictures of familiar people and places, and retell what happened or make up a new story

Bilingual Families

Talking to your child is important, whatever your native language is. All languages are valued and valuable so speak to your child in your native language—this will give them the best possible foundation for learning other languages. If a child is learning two languages at home, each language may develop at a slower pace in the beginning. That’s ok! In fact, a child may mix the two languages in his speech initially, but he will be able to sort this out over time.

Beginning around 2 ½ years of age, a child should be able to have full conversations in the language that the listener understands. For example, he may speak English with a playmate and Spanish with a grandparent. By age 7 your child should be able to cope with the two languages without a problem, using both vocabulary and grammar appropriate for his age.

If a child is learning two languages, it is reasonable to expect that it may take some extra time to reach language milestones, you should only be concerned if your child can’t communicate well in either language.

Resources:

Action songs

Fingerplays

What are you and your child going to talk about today?

Share your ideas for encouraging language on the FORUM.

The world our children are growing up in is incredibly diverse! In fact, according to the Census data from 2000, the western region of Wake County boasts a community in which 14% of the population was born somewhere other than the United States, and over 16% of the residents in this part of the county speak a language other than English in their homes. These rates are much higher than the rates for the state as a whole and present a community for our children that is rich with difference. But then the question becomes…how do I talk to my child about these differences?

By age 2 children can recognize differences in gender, race and ethnicity, and even though they may not have the words to talk about it, they are definitely picking up on what is ok to talk about, what is off limits, and how the adults in their lives react to different people. So, conversations about differences should start early. With other loaded topics such as sex drugs, and bullying, we might wait for the teachable moments or signals that our kids are ready to learn more. However, this strategy doesn’t work for teaching tolerance.

When a child first begins to notice differences in the color and size of people around her, she will look to you for what her reactions should be to people who may not look like her. Toddlers internalize the beliefs of their family and the immediate society, so how you act around and discuss people from your own culture and other cultures is what your child will first consider appropriate.

“Color blind”

Like it or not, differences, especially among race, have meaning in our society so trying to ignore them and hoping your child will turn out “color blind” is just not going to work. Talking about race normalizes the topic and makes it less scary for kids. Sometimes a child can find differences a little scary and react with teasing or hostility, so speak up! Talk to your kids about issues of difference.  Properly addressing differences demonstrates to kids that cultural differences don’t make any one child better than another. Once outside difference is acknowledged, it’s important to stress that regardless of shape, size or color, what’s important about a person is what’s on the inside.

It starts with you

Modeling behaviors and leading by example are more powerful than teaching when it comes to issues of tolerance and diversity. If you have a diverse group of friends than your children will value diversity in their own lives. However, positive tendencies or behaviors associated with diversity are not the only behaviors that your children will notice. How you speak about and behave around individuals from different cultural groups will send many, unintentional messages to your children.

Do you…?

-laugh rather than protest when someone makes a culturally insensitive joke?

-lock your car doors when you drive through certain neighborhoods?

-grab your child’s hand when someone different than you is walking toward you?

When you do these things you are teaching your child who to fear and who to tease or laugh at—based entirely on what a person may look like. If you overlook any kind of bigotry, you’re sending the message that it’s ok to feel superior to certain groups. You may not mean to demean anyone but a child can certainly get the wrong impression. It’s important to remember that prejudice is learned and can be unlearned and that being silent in situations concerning discrimination shows acceptance.

What to Do & What to Say

• When talking to your children it’s important to use accurate language: she is white (Caucasian)/African-American (Black)/ Latino (Hispanic)/ Asian-American, etc.
• Notice racial stereotypes and what racial messages are presented in the TV shows and movies that your child watches. If you don’t like the messages being delivered, don’t show them at home.
• When you see negative stereotypes in the media, point them out to kids and let them know you think it’s wrong.
• Keep a multicultural home library with main characters of all races
• Choose racially diverse playgroups, daycares, and nursery schools
• Play music from a broad range of cultures in your home
• Attend cultural events as a family—celebrate your family’s cultural identity as well as those in your community
• Get online—the Internet can be a fun way to teach kids about cultures in other countries
• Encourage empathy—kids who put themselves in someone else’s shoes are less likely to tease others for being different. When your child is as young as 3 or 4 you can talk to your child about what he thinks it would be like if he were in the minority, if people were mean to him simply because of the shape of his eyes, what church he went to, or where his parents were from.
• Avoid generalizations—if your child makes a general statement (e.g., all the black kids at my school are good at basketball) point out that just because some people of a certain ethnicity behave in a certain way, you can’t assume that everyone in that group behaves similarly.

Children have a natural and healthy curiosity about differences in people. What children learn through the preschool years can help them to form strong, positive self-concepts and to grow up to respect and interact comfortably with people different from themselves. The bottom line is to teach your child that all people, despite their differences, deserve respect.

Resources:

What to tell your child about prejudice and discrimination

Beyond the Golden Rule—A Parent’s Guide to Preventing and Responding to Prejudice

Love isn’t enough—on raising a family in a colorstruck world

Touchy Talks with Toddlers

Children’s Books about Diversity:

All the Colors We Are by Katie Kissinger**

Black is Brown is Tan by Arnold Adoff**

Whoever You Are by Mem Fox**

How My Parents Learned To Eat by Ina Friedman**

Stinky The Bulldog by Jackie Valent

Black, White, Just Right! By Marguerite W. Davol**

I Love My Hair! By Natasha Anastasia Tarpley**

The Skin You Live In by Michael Tyler**

Skin Again by bell hooks**

The Colors of Us by Karen Katz**

(books marked with ** are available at the Wake County Libraries)

Visit the FORUM to share your thoughts about how to raise a child who values diversity.

How do you talk to your kids about these issues?

As a parent you have many important things to teach your children when they’re young. They need to learn how to hold a fork, put on their jacket, and brush their teeth, but they also need to learn how to understand their feelings and emotions and how to talk about them. By age 2, most children are able to broadly interpret the feelings of others and respond to these feelings appropriately, but a child’s ability to deal effectively with his or her own emotions is dependent on what they have learned from the adults in their life. In other words, a child will be as expressive as his or her parents.

Through modeling, all adults in a child’s life are giving them information about the nature of emotions, how to express them, and how to cope with their own emotions and those of others. Without even trying, caregivers are continuously teaching children which emotions are acceptable, which are appropriate for specific situations, and the behavior associated with them. What children are learning about their emotions is important because according to Dr. John Gottman, kids who can accept and share their emotions:

• form stronger friendships
• achieve more in school
• bounce back from emotional crises more quickly, and
• are physically healthier.

What are you feeling?

Dr. Gottman suggests that parents can help their children better understand and share their emotions by being their “Emotion Coaches.” Emotion Coaches, much like athletic coaches, teach children the strategies for dealing with life’s ups and downs without objecting or ignoring their children’s displays of anger, sadness, or fear. There are 5 steps to being an “Emotion Coach” for your child:

1. Be aware of your child’s emotion.
2. Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching.
3. Listen empathetically and validate your child’s feelings.
4. Help the child verbally label emotions.
5. Set limits while helping your child problem-solve.

For example: if you’re on an airplane and your child begins to throw a fit about wanting a stuffed animal that you packed in your checked luggage instead of your carry-on and trying to explain to your child that you can’t get that particular toy for them at the moment doesn’t seem to be working to calm them down you can take this opportunity to be their “Emotion Coach.”

• Step 1: Recognize that your child is feeling some frustration and anger about the situation. Aren’t you the person who can always provide a snack or drink when you’re asked? Why can’t you give your child what he or she wants this time? This can be frustrating for a young child.
• Step 2: Acknowledge that this is a situation in which your child needs some attention from you in order to understand his or her feelings and to regain his or her composure.
• Steps 3 & 4: Say to your child “I’m sorry sweetie, I can see that you’re frustrated right now. I know that you’re tired and you’d like to have your special toy to snuggle with before you go to sleep and not having him is making you angry, and I know that being angry doesn’t feel good.” (Don’t be surprised if while you’re talking to your child, they visibly relax).
• Step 5: Say “It’s ok to be angry but it’s not ok to raise your voice and kick. Since you can’t have your toy would you like to hold my scarf (or something else) instead?”

It’s important to allow children to experience their emotions. While positive emotion should be encouraged and celebrated, children need to know that their negative emotions are valid and are worthy of notice and concern. Be open with your child about your own emotions by acknowledging them, labeling them and explaining why you feel that way. Respond to your child about his or her emotions in a consistent manner, and be dependable and responsive. This will help to teach your children that emotional experiences do not need to be overwhelming and can be controlled. Your child’s emotional moments may actually be the moments that they need you most—these are opportunities for teaching your child important life lessons and for building closer relationships with them.

Resources

Read these books with your child to help you talk about feelings. Books marked with (***) are available to borrow for free at the Wake County Public Libraries.

• The Way I Feel by Janan Cain***
• Today I Feel Silly: And Other Moods that Make My Day by Jamie Lee Curtis***
• The Feelings Book by Todd Parr
• Lots of Feelings by Shelley Rotner***
• Feelings by Aliki***

Visit the FORUM to share your thoughts!

Finding a preschool program for your child can be really challenging! Most private programs, whether church-based or not, take a specific perspective on early childhood education and knowing something about each of these perspectives can help you begin your search. Click on each of the types below for more information.

-Montessori:

In this program:

• children are seen as independent learners and teachers act as facilitators
• materials in the classroom are to be used in a certain way
  • for example, in a classical Montessori program, a broomstick would only be used for sweeping a floor—it would not “become” an airplane during imaginary play
• much attention is paid to order in the classroom
• children learn to take care of their own needs—they often serve themselves snacks
• the materials dictate the exploration by the child

-High Scope:

In this program:

• emphasis is on classification, sorting, and the use of time and space
• skill building is a primary focus; social/emotional development is secondary
• children are not required to play in any particular way, but teachers follow the exploration of the children

-Reggio Emilia:

In this program:

• teachers observe, listen and talk with children about their interests—then help small groups of children plan their own projects
• aesthetics, sensory exploration and artistic development are emphasized
• emphasizes creative use of materials and lots of open-ended exploration
• children’s own interests dictate their exploration

-“Developmentally Appropriate” model:

From this perspective:

• the focus is on the individual needs of particular children based on different ages, skill levels, abilities, and cultural or socio-economic backgrounds
• elements of other preschool models may also be incorporated
• each child’s developmental needs dictate the experience

When deciding which of these models or perspectives to look into, keep in mind how your child works and learns. If they have a lot of initiative then they might do really well in a Montessori program. If they really enjoy free play and artistic activities then a Reggio Emilia program might be a great fit.

Once you know which types of programs you’re interested in and have found these programs in your area you should visit each one before you make a choice. The following is a list of questions to ask and things to look for when you visit each center.

The Director:

• what is his/her background and vision for the program?
• how did he/she get involved in early childhood education—what’s her motivation?
• what is the turnover of the staff—high turnover makes it hard to maintain a high quality program
  • people stay if they’re well compensated, treated with respect and given continuing education opportunities
• good directors are in the classroom, know their staff and know all the children

The Teachers

• a good teacher talks with the children a lot
• look for teacher-student ratios—the lower the better

The Physical Environment

• the classroom should be well organized with a variety of activities taking place in clearly defined areas
• materials should be accessible to children—building independence
• beware of electronic toys and too much computer time in the classroom
• children should have enough room to move freely through the classroom
• quality of materials (how new) is far less important than the quality of interaction between the children and between the children and the teachers

The Curriculum

• really obvious things like letter and number charts are a bad sign
• you want to see labels on classroom items and objects like “blocks” or “light switch”
• a good preschool expects children to learn through play
• ask to see a child assessment form used to gather data on a child—this will tell you what the child will learn at the preschool and how
  • you would expect to hear about how observation, checklists, and perhaps portfolios of the child’s work will be used in assessment

Questions to Ask Yourself

• Are the children safe, busy, and happy?
• Does the school have a lively, creative order to it?
• Are the rooms decorated with teacher art or children’s art?
• Do the teachers seem to like what they are doing?

Preschool is a huge investment, financially and in the future of your child so when you’re looking for a preschool program for your child make sure you see the right things and ask the right questions.

Do you have experience with any of these programs? Share your thoughts and your experiences on the FORUM!

At our last Parents 2 Parents meeting there was quite a bit of discussion concerning sleep. Several parents expressed frustration at the fact that their children don’t sleep through the night, many of them toddlers. One thing I heard from the discussion is that many families who are having trouble either getting their children to sleep or keeping them asleep don’t have a regular bedtime routine. Not every child will sleep through the night consistently—this may be part of the regularity aspect of their temperament–but these tips and tricks may help you to assure that both you and your child are getting enough sleep.

The Importance of Sleep

It is well known that sleep is important for brain growth and function, but emerging research shows that sleep is also vital for physical growth in toddlers and preschoolers. Two and three-year-olds need 12 to 14 hours of sleep every 24 hours (a combination of about 12 hours of sleep at night and 1.5 to 3 hours in a nap). In order to get an adequate amount of sleep, most children this age need to go to bed between 7 and 9pm and wake up between 6:30 and 8am. Without adequate sleep children’s hormones may be affected resulting in growth problems—mainly slow or stunted growth. A lack of sleep at night can also affect motor skills and concentration during the day (think about how hard it is to drive when you haven’t had enough sleep) which can lead to more accidents and behavioral problems.

Signs that your child is not getting enough sleep include crankiness, always falling asleep in the car and being hard to wake up in the mornings. Opposite of what you might expect, if your child is hyper at bedtime it may be another clue that his schedule may not be consistent enough.

How to get your child to go to sleep and stay asleep

The Ferber Method

The Ferber Method is a method for teaching babies to soothe themselves to sleep that was developed by Pediatrician Richard Ferber, the director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Children’s Hospital in Boston. Dr. Ferber’s strategy for putting children to sleep follows these steps:

• follow a warm, loving bedtime routine (more information on routines below)

• put your child in bed awake—this step is crucial to successfully teaching him or her to go to sleep on their own

• leave the child in bed even if he cries

• go in periodically to pat and comfort your child, but do not pick up your child

• gradually increase the amount of time between checking on and comforting your child over the course of a few days to a week

By gradually increasing the waiting time, most babies and children learn to fall asleep on their own, having discovered that crying earns nothing more than a brief check from you. If your child is already sleeping in a big-kid bed instead of a crib, and you are having a hard time keeping him in bed, he may be repeatedly getting out of his bed just because he can. When your child gets up, control your reaction. Simply take him back to bed, gently but firmly tell him that it is time to go to sleep, and leave. Each time that your child gets out of bed repeat these steps, always being calm and firm. Consistency is key, and eventually your child will stay in bed and will go to sleep.

Establish a bedtime routine

Routines are crucial to life with young children. They help to relieve children’s anxieties about transitions and what is coming next. At bedtime, making sure that your child is as relaxed as possible makes him more likely to go to bed easily and to fall asleep quickly and allows you special quality time with your child. A bedtime routine can start anywhere in the house and include any number of steps and activities but its important to be consistent each night and to always end in the bedroom. Ending in the bedroom helps teach your child that his room is a nice place to be, not just where he is “banished” at bedtime. Here are some suggestions for activities to consider making part of your bedtime routine:

• let off some steam: helps children get pent-up energy out of their systems before they settle down for the night. You can dance around to a favorite song then follow it by something quiet and calm like a bath (if this is relaxing for your child) and a bedtime story

• taking care of business: your routine can include washing her face/hands, brushing her teeth, using the bathroom/getting a diaper change, and getting into her pajamas. Its important to establish habits like brushing teeth early so that your child gets used to it.

• hide and seek: hide something in your child’s crib/bed for her to find before you lay her down (a toy, a postcard, an interesting object) and then talk to her about it before you leave the room. This gives her something to look forward to about getting in bed and provides a wonderful opportunity to build vocabulary and language skills.

• have a chat: spend some time snuggling in a rocking chair or put your child in bed and then sit with them and talk about the day and review what he or she did. Then talk about what the child will do the next day.

• say “goodnight moon”: walk with your child around the house and say goodnight to favorite toys, people, and other objects, like the baby rabbit and his mother do in Goodnight Moon

• read a bedtime story/sing a song: studies have shown that language skills and even intelligence can depend on a baby’s daily exposure to a large vocabulary so read, sing, and talk to them often! These strategies also allow you to spend quality time with your child.

Key points

• getting enough sleep is important to your child’s development and your mental health!

• toddlers and preschoolers should be getting 12 to 14 hours of sleep each day

• establish consistent daily sleep times and stick to them

• have a regular bedtime routine

• make sure your child’s room is conducive to sleep—it should be dark and quiet

• avoid roughhousing and other stimulating activities before bedtime

• stick to the same timetable and routines for bed on weekends and vacations

Resources

The Baby Center–Visit this site for more information on sleep tips and strategies for children of all ages

Staying in Bed Technique–Visit the Super Nanny site for step-by-step instructions on how to help your child stay in bed

Visit the FORUM to share your own suggestions on how to get children to bed and to help them get enough sleep!

Parenting is a hard job! But it can be especially hard when you and your child don’t react to the world in the same way. A child’s temperament, or style of behavior, is present and established within the first few months of life and remains largely unchanged throughout life. Nine temperamental traits have been identified and many combinations are possible. A child can be rated from high to low in each category, but all ratings represent differences in the normal range of behavior.

Temperament Traits

1. Activity Level–Is your child always moving and doing something? OR Does he or she have a more relaxed style?
2. Regularity–Is your child regular in his or her eating and sleeping habits? OR Is he or she somewhat haphazard?
3. Approach/Withdrawal–Does your child welcome new experiences and change? OR Does he or she tend to shy away from new people and things?
4. Adaptability–Can your child adjust to changes in routines or plans easily? OR Does your child resist transitions?
5. Sensitivity–Is your child bothered by external stimuli such as loud noises or bright lights? OR Does he or she tend to ignore them?
6. Mood–Does your child often express a negative outlook? OR Is he or she generally a positive person? Does his or her mood shift frequently? OR Is he or she usually even-tempered?
7. Persistence/Attention Span–Does your child give up as soon as a task becomes challenging? OR Does he or she keep trying? Can your child stick with an activity for a long time? OR Does his or her mind tend to wander?
8. Distractability–Is your child easily distracted from what he or she is doing? OR Can he or she shut out external distractions and focus on the current activity?
9. Intensity–Does your child react strongly (either positively or negatively) to situations? OR Does he or she react calmly and quietly?

Temperament Types

These nine traits combine to form three basic types of temperaments. Approximately 65% of all children fit into one of three patterns.

1. Easy or Flexible (40% of children)– These children are generally calm, happy, regular in sleeping and eating habits, and are not easily upset. Because of their easy style, parents need to set aside special times to talk about the child’s frustrations and hurts because he or she wont demand or ask for it. More intentional communication will be necessary to strengthen your relationship and find out what your child is thinking and feeling.
2. Difficult, Active, or Feisty (10% of children)– These children are often fussy, irregular in feeding and sleeping habits, fearful of new people and situations, easily upset by noise and commotion, high strung, and intense in their reactions. Providing areas for vigorous play to work off stored up energy and frustrations with some freedom of choice allow these children to be successful. Preparing these children for activity changes and using redirection will help these children transition from one place or one activity to another.
3. Slow to warm up or Cautious (15% of children)– These children are relatively inactive and fussy, tend to withdraw or react negatively to new situations, but their reactions gradually become more positive with continuous exposure. Sticking to a routine and your word, along with allowing ample time to establish relationships in new situations, are necessary to allow independence to unfold.

The other 35% of children are a combination of these three patterns. By understanding these patterns, you can tailor your expectations, encouragement, and discipline to suit your child’s unique needs.

Temperament and Parenting

No matter what temperament a child has, he or she can develop normally with help from you and other adults in his or her life. Your child’s abilities to develop and behave in acceptable ways are greatly determined by the adults in their lives trying to identify, recognize, and respond to his or her unique temperament.

However, temperaments are different and its completely possible that your own temperament will not match or will not fit with your child’s. One is not superior to another. As the parent, you can discover and pinpoint the strengths and challenges each of you face and the areas in which conflicts with your child arise due to temperament clashing. Understanding your temperament and your child’s temperament allows you the first move to adapt and allows you to organize the environment so that you can work together as a parent-child team.

Here are some things to consider:

• Be aware of your child’s temperament and respect his or her uniqueness without comparing him or her to others or trying to change your child’s basic temperament.
• Be aware of your own temperament and adjust your natural responses when they clash with your child’s responses.
• Avoid criticizing or labeling your child with words such as “crybaby,” “lazy,” “quitter,” “shy,” or “wild.”
• Communicate. Explain decisions and motives. Listen to the child’s point of view and describe what you are observing to the child to help him or her learn about their behavioral style.
• Set limits to help your child develop self-control. Respect opinions but remain firm on important limits.
• Be a good role model because children learn by imitation.

Resources

For more information on temperament visit these sites:

Temperament Type Quiz

Parenting Styles/Children’s Temperaments: The Match

Visit the Forum to share your thoughts on how temperament affects you and your child’s interactions and vote in the temperament poll!